New Things

I'm going to be looking into trying some new things for my mental health and it's scary. If you don't know, I've dealt with PTSD (and the anxiety that comes along) for a couple years now. Luckily, my paranoia and fear is very mild; flashbacks don't really happen much for me anymore. But this anxiety... 

Honestly, I think I had some level of anxiety disorder prior to PTSD and getting PTSD has exasperated it. When I first realized something was different, I went to my doctor and she gave me a low dose of anxiety medication. The psychiatrist took me off it in about six weeks because, apparently, the dose was so small it wasn't doing anything anyway. 

I dealt with my PTSD via therapy. It was fine. I was doing well. She gave me the go-ahead to have the option to end our sessions. That was great until a few months later when I was re-traumatized.  

This spring, I was out on a shoot and a man re-traumatized me through inappropriate sexual actions. I was not physically harmed, but my paranoia and insomnia came roaring back with anxiety in tow.  

It has been hard. Again. But this time I think I'm going to try something new. I'm educating myself and am hoping to try it out in the next month or two. 

Fingers crossed!  

Big Fat Announcement (Pun Intended)

I'm now offering video pose coaching sessions! 

Affordable hourly sessions via most video chat avenues. You can sign up here:  

Please include:

  • the day that works best for you
  • the time of day that works best for you
  • what level of experience you have 
  • what your goal level is 

Intro price of $20/hr right now for a limited time!


Y'all I just wrote a long ass post and Chrome crashed.  Fuck.  

Moral of the story was "Don't donate to The Red Cross, instead donate to places like the Hurricane Harvey Fund at the Greater Houston Community Foundation which is linked HERE SO JUST CLICK HERE."

We want money and things to get to those who need them NOW, not later.  Donate wisely.  Donate to groups that are handing out to marginalized and low-income/impoverished neighborhoods first because those people will need the most help.  

I'll be in Texas this weekend for The Curvy Industry Experience pool party and fashion show where Bethany and I will be showing MEG x SBB for the first time ever in person.  I'm extrememly excited, and I cannot wait to see these pieces come to life!

It's My Birthday

Ok, so yesterday was my birthday. Close enough. I turned 29. The number isn't bothering me as much as how emotional I've become surrounding my birthday. 

I have anxiety, this is true, but I've never experienced my anxiety this heavily around my birthday. The combination of not being with family, working too hard at my job, and just life has gotten the best of me this year.  

I think about what I want in life and how to get it. Where I am in life and where I want to be. The memories I have of my journey of 29 years. It's heavy. 

Then, I realize I'm not the only one who does this. Is your birthday a time of reflection, too? Am I not the only one who experiences a lot of emotions around their birthday? How does it manifest for you? 

I also think it's hard being a social person but anxiety makes it much more difficult to be that social person I once was. I want to have a party, be surrounded by those I care about, eat/drink/be merry. But, I also just want to stay home and binge Netflix. I'm trying to navigate my anxiety the best I can. 

I'm Not Here For Your Pity

There's a viral post of a man commenting on his wife's body. The root of the issue is that we have decided that, as a society, we are now applauding men for finding non-acceptable women attractive. Like, "thank god you think she's pretty because you really took one for the team."  

Bruh. Give me a fucking break.  

Forst of all, the viral couple are a pair of assholes. Both have racist and phobic posts all over their social media. He's the most typical Millenial "I just can't have a real job because I'm soooo creative but I'm a white male so I don't know why everyone is always complaining." She's a horrific example of body positive - multiple times does she tells people how much she hates the word "fat" and thinks we need to stop using it. Also, she is pretty shamey in her posts toward women who are bigger than her (she's like a size 10/12).  


Stop it. Stop stop stop stop. He's a prick. She's a dickhole. Neither one of them represent good people. There's nothing about them that should be celebrated because they are completely average.  

Guess what? Tons of people have healthy relationships where BODY SIZE ISNT INVOLVED AT ALL. I know. It's soooooo weird. (Side eye.) Y'all are doing it wrong if body shape means *that* much to you and your relationship. If you have to constantly seek validation for being with someone "society deems unattractive" then you're a super shitty person.  

Just love and be loved. Stop looking for validation. Stop seeking celebration for being average. Stop making money off political and socia movements you know nothing about. Loving an unattractive person doesn't make you a hero, it makes you human. Nobody wants your pity love.